Tis The Season

It's that time of year again, the time of year when we all wonder, "What can I buy for my significant other this Christmas?"

Coffee press, concert tickets, favorite author? Nah.

This year, just for the ladies, I have the best gift idea EVER. For a measly 48.00 plus shipping, you can get a model made of your nether regions and give it to your man on a necklace. He can wear it close to his heart forever.

Nothing says love like opening up a big box of poonanny for Christmas.

These necklaces aren't just good for your husband. What if you have a grown son? He would probably enjoy one also. That way he can always look at it and be reminded of where he came from.

The only sad news is that these necklaces do not come in a scratch and sniff model. Maybe next year they will, but I can't wait. I have to order one for my husband now.

Just look at them. Aren't they gorgeous? They remind me of flowers unfurling in the morning sun.






They are also the only Christmas gift endorsed by Mr. T himself.

I PITY THE FOOL WHO MAKES FUN OF MY POONANNY NECKLACE!

Happy Holidays!

Good bye Cari

I'm sorry to say Cari has passed away. Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Ketchup

So many of you keep blogging quite consistently, and I am impressed. I don't know if I ran out of things to say or if I'm lazy. To be honest, it's probably the latter. Also, my life is kind of dull which isn't a bad thing. I handle dull much better than strife.

The kids started school just over a month ago. I had planned on doing homeschooling. What changed my mind was observing my son in his kindergarten class at the end of the school year. He was doing great. I'm sure the charter homeschool thought I was a dingbat since we had already signed up with them and tested the kids. It might be something I will revisit, but we are content for now.

I told myself I would not volunteer as much this year as I did last year. Last year I volunteered for three hours a week. This year I am up to four. It's not really a lot, but I find all that housecleaning I had imagined getting done isn't happening. This could have something to do with the fact that I hate housework. If I could do it, and have it look clean for more than forty-five minutes, it might not be as depressing. As it stands though, freshly mopped floors are completely sticky by the next day.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was going to visit my Grandma. It was a great visit. My mother wanted to do something fun so she suggested the casino. My sister and I hate the casino. If I spend twenty dollars I'm done. Twenty dollars is enough to eat at Subway at least three times. Throwing it in a slot machine that sucks it up in five minutes flat gives me a whole lot less pleasure than snarfing down a veggie delight.

As you can imagine, I'm great fun to take to a casino, especially if you're on a machine that is winning and I'm ready to goooooooo.

We settled for bingo. That way we could gamble, all be done at the same time AND visit, or so I thought. We ended up sitting near a couple of senior ladies. They were regular bingo players who played all week long and bingo was SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I can't remember what our first conversation was about, but they grumbled at each other about our noise. Since they hadn't addressed us directly, we ignored them. One of them then said, "I can't hear the caller!" They were both looking straight at the caller. Also when the numbers are called, they display on a TV monitor. Then they are shown on a board behind the TV monitor. I'm nearsighted and didn't have on glasses and I could see the numbers.

We truly weren't trying to be rude, but I hadn't seen my family in forever and my sister was catching up and making me laugh in the process.

The next conversation was between my mother in law and my mother. They were discussing underwear. This was during a break between games so it shouldn't have been an issue. The lady's face reflected her irritation anyway. It's not like they were talking about crotchless panties, but I guess underwear is one of those "vulgar" things that shouldn't be discussed in public.

The third conversation, and apparently the last straw, was when my sister talked about cleaning out my mother's refrigerator. My mother's refrigerator is legendary for being packed full of all sorts of food stuffs. My mother is legendary for not wanting any of it thrown out. "Why that yogurt is perfectly good. I haven't opened it yet."

The lady yelled, "EXCUSE ME. MY FRIEND JUST MISSED A BINGO!" Actually her friend missed a NUMBER, the same number which was displayed on two screens that they were looking straight at.

So I settled for passing notes to my sister high school style with witty sayings on them such as, "Bingo or Bitcho?"

So now we know. You are not supposed to talk during Bingo. It wasn't in the rules anywhere, but I did google when I got home and it is one of those "unwritten" rules. Where the hell is the fun in that? We promise to keep our uncouth selves out of all bingo parlors from now on. I'm sure bingo players everywhere will thank us.

The only other thing of import I can think of is the female kitten has gone in heat a week before her spay appointment. I made the appointment in August. They were that booked out. The only thing grosser than two cats trying to get it on all over the house, is two cats who are siblings trying to get it on all over the house. Yick!

Cari

I want to tell all of you about Cari, an amazing person.

Cari is a fellow blogger I met by accident. I was new to blogging and hitting the next blog button when I stumbled on her blog. The first thing I noticed was the beautiful pictures of her children. The second thing I noticed was how much she loved her children. I commented on her blog. She was kind enough to comment on mine and that's how we met.

What I have always loved about Cari's blog is the obvious joy she takes from her family. She is so proud of her children and appreciative of her husband and parents and is happy to let everyone know. She has a gift of living in the now and savoring life. That has always shone through.

Cari is in her early thirties and she is a runner, the last person you would think would get diagnosed with breast cancer, but she was.

She shared every step of her breast cancer fight, the chemo, the fatigue, the radiation, the mastectomy, even posting pictures of her shaved head. Her humor and her faith in God came through with every post.

When it was time for the breast cancer fight to be over, she still didn't feel right and that was when brain cancer was discovered. Again, she shared every step of the battle. Despite being busy with chemo and surgeries, she took time to reach out to my sister, who had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. Cari is that kind of person.

Sadly, Cari is not doing well. There is no way for me to let her know the huge difference she has made to me and to others. I know we are all hugging our loved ones closer and learning to appreciate the little things. Cari, is truly one of a kind and I have been privileged to know her.

Another Wasted Summer

Every year I tell myself that I will organize my house during the summer. And every year I fail utterly at that assignment. There is so much to do that I end up getting overwhelmed and throwing up my hands.

I did get rid of a lot of the kid's stuff, but it's always much harder to get rid of MY stuff. It's strange because that's all it is - stuff. I don't need most of it but who knows, if I throw it out, I might. Ugh.

Sammy graduated from ABA at the end of June and immediately started a socialization program we had been waiting forever for. While I was glad to get in, I was a bit miffed at the timing. Our whole summer was stretching before us with no therapies and then it was snatched away. It has turned out to be a blessing. Azure goes to help out, and both kids are having a great time.

I am not doing wonderfully on the health front, nothing major, but I'm in constant pain. My arm and shoulder started hurting some months ago. I ignored it, hoping it would go away, and then it became excruciating.

I begrudgingly went to the doctor. The diagnosis is rotator cuff tendinitis. Since I waited so long, now I have to have physical therapy.

I waited another week to call the physical therapist, because I kept hoping it would heal once I was popping 800 mg Motrin three times a day.

Alas, I now seem to have a frozen shoulder. Ever try shaving your armpit when you can't lift your arm up high enough?

This sucks and it hurts a lot. And I'm sure physical therapy will make it hurt MORE. Gah!

But enough of the pity party. I am so good at throwing those, don't ya think?

We haven't been all idle this summer. We have been to the library a lot, although I am the one doing most of the reading.

The children saw a magician at the library. We went to two different story times and we are going to a wild animal presentation on Tuesday.

We've been on a hike and a picnic. We've been to two different parks with water features and we are going to a new one Monday, all of them free.

We still need to go berry picking before all the blueberries are gone. I love blueberries and so does Sammy.

My Grandma is visiting my mother so we will be going down there for a while. Since my Grandma lives in Maine, we haven't seen her in over four years. My daughter lives with my mother so I will get a chance to see her too. Also, my Mom has a pool, a pool! I can't wait to swim.

There are only three weeks left until school starts. An eight week summer isn't nearly long enough, in my opinion. On days the kids are whining, that opinion has been known to change.

When the kids go back to school, it will be a full day for both of them. I need to find a way to make extra money with my time. Are there even jobs out there? Even if there are, do they want somebody who can only work from 8:30 to 1:30 that has to stay home with sick kids and on school vacations? I doubt it. So I need to find a way to make money from home.

I don't have the temperament to do sales or daycare. Could I make this any more difficult? LOL

Life has a way of going on regardless. It's all good.

The Hog Days of Summer

Yesterday was not a good day for my little man. Maybe it's because he had some forbidden dairy. Or maybe it was a combination of dairy and the dreaded red dye 40.

Whatever the reason, he was an utter pill, the kind of kid you want to lock in the back yard. And I did, for about two minutes.

First he decided to "ride" the chair across my Pergo floors. When I said no, he ignored me. Then I had to remove him from the chair and put him in time out. After time out, he started riding the chairs again.

The day went along in that vein until around 7:30 p.m. There were many time-outs and more than a few times the neighbors on the other side of the block heard me screeching.

One of the highlights of the day was when he decided to ask me a question he knew the answer to. This is a habit that I have been trying to break him of.

He does this constantly, all day long, asking me questions that he KNOWS the answer to. While I am grateful that he can talk, I do wish he would do a whole lot less of it.

The question he asked me was if his sister was old enough to drive a car. She is ten and he full well knows she isn't.

Instead of saying my usual, "Why did you ask me a question you know the answer to?", I said, "Yes, we are buying her one tomorrow and you can't ride in it."

And the shrieking began.

We were on our way to a socialization program. It is a twenty minute drive. He screamed for over half of it. The screaming had a pattern. It went SCREECH, sob, sob, SCREECH, sob, sob. Little boys can screech REALLY loudly, an ear splitting sound indeed.

A patient mother, a good mother, would have pulled over to the side of the road and calmed her child down. I, however, was a stressed out, had it up to here, mother. So instead, I conducted the orchestra.

With every SCREECH, I raised my hand into the air. Then for the double sob, I gently lifted it two times in a row. So my hand went UUUUUPPPP, then down, and then made a couple of slight waves.

What the fellow drivers thought of me, I'll never know or care.

This only intensified the screeching, as he was now grievously insulted.

It was not my finest parenting moment. Bedtime was half an hour early that evening.
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The grocery store could no longer be avoided this Sunday so I got out some pants and a shirt to put on. They didn't fit.

I tried some different clothes. They didn't fit.

Nothing fits anymore except a few, unflattering pairs of drawstring capris. I need to lose weight. The fact of the matter is, I'm GREAT at dieting, until I get hungry.

Working out has fallen by the wayside. First I had a cold. Then I stubbed my toe so hard, I think I broke it. Then I had, and still have, a horrible tendinitis flare-up. Still, I could walk slowly on my treadmill without too much arm pain; I could. But the old saying, "An object at rest tends to remain at rest," is applying here.

I don't feel good. I am fat and tired and look horrible and seem to be disinclined to fix it. Instead I am whining. Oh, that is helpful!

Maybe someday, I hope soon, I will get my act together.

For now, my belly has its own zip code.

Rhymes with Hex

Azure has asked me several times where babies come from. "Mommy's tummy" was not the answer she was looking for either, blast it all!

I finally told her that the boy part goes in the girl part. Then the boy part shoots out seeds that fertilize the egg.

The look of disgust on her face was priceless. She told me a few days later that she wasn't going to have babies. She might get married, but she wasn't going to have babies.

I can only imagine the shock on the face of her future husband when the honeymoon starts and she says, "I told you I didn't want babies!"

Yes, I know that realistically her attitude will change in about four years. Dammit!
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Summer has been busy so far. We go to the park and the library a lot. Sammy has started a new socialization program three days a week. Azure goes with him as they are in need of "typical" kids.

I want to make this a memorable but cheap summer. So far so good...
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I forgot to renew my son's medi-cal card. We don't use it for anything personally as it's really not good for anything, but the regional center uses it to reimburse the respite people.

The paperwork showed up in May. I decided to do it that week. Then I put it in a pile and forgot about it until the end of June.

This is not the only kind of stuff I forget. I can't focus or remember many things.

Forty is the new eighty, around here anyway.
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My oldest daughter, Jasmine, took this picture of Sammy. Every time the camera comes out, he strikes a pose.